#and maybe a bit more I'm still deciding
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Feeling unreasonably stressed for just needing to clean our bathroom
#personal#and maybe a bit more I'm still deciding#i doubt the base boards will be noticed but I See Them#i guess its work combined with this unexpected thing i need to do#but I'm locking myself in my room the night of the visit and hoping that lessens the chance of a#living room pop on#which i would then need to clean#it sucks not being able to afford nice furniture#worse still when we have visitors
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gabe doodle
#ultrakill#rev's stuff#eye strain#maybe? just in case. seems possible.#still fuckin around with bright colors as you can see#decided to mess around with a more limited range of colors for this one. primarily yellow/orange with tiny bits of green/blue as highlights#why isn’t he wearing armor? i didn’t feel like drawing it. why is he blushing? i think he's cute.#i like how the gold came out. i thought i would have trouble making it look metallic but it was actually not too bad.#gabriel ultrakill#i did this in like 15 minutes. but i like how it looks so i'm posting it anyway#100
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Finally back, with a lil more of Chill's Artist Admiration Sketchbook; making fanart for blogs I like :D
@kingspacebar
Accessoires and colours my beloved <3 <3 <3
#(The tags are gonna be a bit of an essay I apologize :P )#I only realized late that I was mixing the designs of different references that all had slightly diff accessoires#So I just decided to add them all#I always say I want to draw more bright colours because I love them so much and then I never do because I'm bad at colour palettes#I'm always super impressed with artists who can make them all work SO well together#With that out of the way OMG I LOVE THESE CHARACTER DESIGNS SO MUCH!!!!#Had to stop myself from going into the askbox multiple times to gush about them; because I wanted to wait until now#The colours are so good! AND THE CLOTHES!!! I wish I looked like that fr fr#I also just love the way the eyes and the faces look (you don't wanna know *how* often I changed the size/position of those eyes /lh)#Of course; rhythm games my beloved! Couldn't not include a little Osu! in the background#But srs going back to colours I had to compose myself multiple times while drawing this because I loved them so much#This character did smth to my brain /pos#(I forgot what Tumblr's tag limit is and I still have to add stuff so I'll stop here but aaaaaah)#no id#other's ocs#fursona#fanart#cw eyestrain#<- just in case; maybe I'm a bit over-careful with this tag lol#chill's art#chill's artist admiration sketchbook
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[Train ride :D!]
[Background-less version below]
#this one fought me some. ngl. was aiming for 'soft and fuzzy feeling' but i think i ended up in muddy territory again :/#but i'm happy with it i think. it wasn't meant to be complicated. but just for funnsies. rushed headache filled funnsies. but still fun :]#idw scavengers#misfire#crankcase#fulcrum#tf idw#humanformers#transformers au#maccadam#i need a name for this au maybe? at least. if i plan on drawing more of it :/#gonna think on it ig#they went shopping tho :D. getting some late gifts and stuff ig. idk. holiday vibes tho.#the giant dino plush is for their version of connie. which i haven't decided if it'd be canon-like or more 'son boy allowed'#its also for misfire honestly. she's kinda attached to it now#also if fulcrum looks drunk. its because she is. a little bit. on love and good cheer <3 just kidding. it's probably eggnog or smth#crankcase didn't want to take the train. she has a perfectly mostly functional blue jeep that she has a hate/love relationship with#she got out voted tho. for the vibes#misfire is sleepy bcs train motion is like the ultimate sleep inducing thing i swear to god. as soon as it starts its all. honk. mimimimimi#also also. forgot to mention this the last time i drew fem!misfire. the reason her sweater is kinda rough is because she fidgets with it#its uh. its well loved. and a little chewed on. and stained. and probably not the cleanest. but its her's <3#krok and spin are homebodies ig. so the gifts are for them. also i had meant to make one of the gifts blue for nickel. but i forgor :|#ok. i gots to go. dinner calls. but <33333#my art
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we've had a death in the family (a long expected one, to be clear, but sad nonetheless :( ) and the funeral is across the country on the day after veilguard releases, so my wait now has a few more days added to it. oh well if I've waited ten years I can wait until the monday after launch haha
#my great uncle had been sick for years so it wasn't a surprise but he was still the baby of the bunch to a flock of sisters#I feel sad for my grandmother and great aunts in the middle of all of this#having to deal with burying their little brother and figuring out what to do with the family farm and everything :( end of an era stuff#the ONE week of the year I've been looking forward to for the last decade tho fhsdkjas it's genuinely a bit funny#thwarted at the last moment#deciding to take it as a little period to gain some information and more to work with that can enrich my experience when I play!#like finally hearing more of the american voices to decide which one to go with and understand more what they're doing thematically etc.#really hone that rook headcanon game into the frequency that will most fuck me up before I jump in lol#maybe even be more sure what romances would fit best#typically I don't mind being spoiled at all (often I even prefer it b/c I'm bad at processing emotion in the moment)#so hopefully I'll be able to be part of the community feeling a bit at least second hand before I get to it myself!
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Getting closer, getting really close now I swear (Patreon)
#Doodles#Just Desserts#Villainsona#True Villainy AU#Just ignore how many times I've said that up to this point lol - I'm serious this time!#I always feel so bad designing TVAU outfits because Charm is always so miserable as a model haha#Could this be a contributing factor as to why it's taken so long?? No I enjoy drawing her like that lol#Made some design notes about the important elements of what I want for her True Villain look - more than just ''Her but Kaiein influence''#I'd still really like a nod to dragon scales of some kind but honestly her classic design is more that#Always going on about her spider theming how to make it dragony! It's the one thing I'm still hung up on lol#As for the rest I think it's Really getting close :) I got to actually turn her little ''shawl'' - I always knew it was Kaiein-related -#Into something that properly mimics his shape! It's all controlled by her tho it's not a part of his body - just magic-infused matter#Made to look like him so there's still that creep factor but it's more her body than his - she can control its shape :D#And I got to keep the jewels! Yesss - made it a motif! Now it's also on her hips and knees to break up her visual space yes very good#It's drips :) Y'know - like ink :) Finally figured that one out lol good job setting up my own symbolism me#And then some elegant drapey bits to match her ''shawl'' and continue to break up her space!! Yes! Good!!#I still haven't decided on a colour palette I think black and white is too obvious and too Kaiein but hmmm - she has a lot of colours#Lots of options to pick from but which is the Correct one - her hair would stay pink so maybe some of her pinks or purples#I'll play with some digital swatches later :)#I'm also so glad I could implement the hood design from one of the scrapped outfits ah <3 I love her in a hood she's so cute#I'm rather pleased with the way the spider web design breaks up her form as well - it's more subdued than the full bottom/shoes stripes but#It's also not very clear here lol the long ones that all the way down to her feet are the third from the center ignore that second one#The second lines out from the center host her wings! Very important!#Kinda reminds me of my holosona in a way actually :0 They /are/ both Evil-aligned hmmmm#All the more reason to colour palette! Differentiate the colours in my head#Really do feel like I'm approaching it now fdjsklafd getting close now!!
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y'know, i keep making a habit of swinging my bat at hornets nests, but i have to say i'm getting so, so tired of people complaining about shows not making perfect sense when they aren't even close to done. we're four episodes into this season of doctor who. we're four episodes into this season of bridgerton. and yet in both fandoms i keep seeing people whine that such and such didn't make sense or it wasn't explained all the way and by god you guys i think maybe explanations might come later in the season. this is something most viewers will recognize as being called a 'plot.'
#like maybe a tiny bit of media literacy... might save you#and if you think i'm being mean like. its okay if you don't get it at first. it's okay if you don't understand the themes. but maybe#instead of stamping your feet and saying this makes no sense and i hate what they're doing and and and#maybe you could try listening to other people's interpretations of things and you'll find that what the show is trying to tell you becomes#more clear! would you look at that. wild how that happens#like im sorry you're entitled to your opinions but calling things bad writing just because you don't quite get it or it doesn't resonate#with you personally... i don't think you should just say this was shitty and worthless#the examples im using are because both resonate with me btw. 73 yards was existential horror it was hill house and bly manor#(im going to write about this in another post btw bc it compels me so)#it was about the way fear of abandonment can haunt you how mental illness can haunt you how you feel like you can drive people away#just by being yourself (the Woman was Herself what caused ruby to be abandoned was Her it's about her feeling as though she was the cause#of everyone who left her even as a baby even the people who loved her most could decide to not love her at the drop of a hat)#colin bridgerton is masking and faking a personality because it has been proven that time and time again#being Himself is Wrong that he annoys people he makes himself into what people expect of him because he's tired of being abandoned too#his family ignores and does not reply to his letters this season PEN stopped replying to his letters#his brother was cruel to him for being a romantic his friends LAUGHED AT HIM for saying sex is meaningful to him and don't they feel lonely#his Fake Rake persona makes viewers cringe because! its!! fake!!! he's faking it! HE GETS CALLED OUT ON IT TWICE IN EP ONE#if you don't understand he's faking it then that's on you at that point! i don't know! maybe take a minute to sit in the discomfort and ask#why did this show make me react this way and do you think maybe it was on purpose#''73 yards was confusing'' do you think confusion may be one of the ways ruby feels about her abandonment?#there is a theme in all of her episodes so far is it ''badly written'' unclear to you or do you just refuse to think critically about it#txtly#and im sorry for tagging this its just for my blog i kinda wish they still didnt show up in tags if i tag them all the way at the bottom#[old lady ruby voice] ''i used to be able to tag things just for myself once upon a time''#bridgerton#bridgerton spoilers#doctor who#doctor who spoilers
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i swear once i get through this week, i'll be more active writing-wise! it's just been stressful bc of some ooc things, like both my best friend's kid and my mom having their birthdays this weekend :' ) i'm just running low on battery as a result, so i appreciate y'all's patience with me!!
#i really wanna type up the drafts i managed to write at work while we were slow but everything feels like an effort atm#so i think i'll be productive in a different way and that means!! finally making more icons of chiyo's fc!!#and maybe brainstorm a proper write-up for a kny verse#i realized the other day i never did make one for chiyo even though kny was a hyperfixation of mine for ages#i remember deciding she was gonna be a kakushi bc that makes the most sense for her character but i wanna put more thought#into it than that uvu#ah i'd actually contemplated making her a swordsmith! but i dunno if that would really open very many doors for interactions#it's a fun idea buuuut being a kakushi might be best#anyway anyway i'll still lurk and i'll send out the last lil ask blurbs in a bit#but i'm sorry if i don't write tonight!#get ready to ramble | ooc
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[ 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚒𝚗 𝚟𝚘𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚍𝚛𝚊𝚖𝚊𝚜: 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝟷 ]
(i hope the image isn't too eystrain-y AAAAAAAAA)
wooooooo i'm finally done with these
okay basically these voice dramas are about what happened to the prisoners three days before their crimes and they're supposed to reveal more about their life, what kind of people they are and all of that stuff. they will be separated into two parts bc the voice dramas are pretty short, so this part includes akio, aimi, shun, naomi and kei and the next one will include eiko, asahi, yurika, riku and reina.
warnings: a mention of bullying and an implication of a child being seriously injured in aimi's vd, shun is being a stalker, a description of physical and emotional abuse in naomi's vd, mentions of torture and homophobia in kei's vd (there's also some implications of the latter in akio's vd, but like, if you squint really hard)
[ Akio's Confession ]
(the sound of a school bell ringing)
(the voices of other students can be heard in the background)
Akio: *sighs*
Akio: *thinking* "This class was way too easy.. All classes were too easy so far, honestly."
Akio: *thinking* "Though that's just something I have to deal with as a genius that I am, haha.."
Akio: *thinking* "It's just.. I thought that an elite school like this would be more interesting."
Akio:*thinking* "But when I look at my classmates.. Yeah, I can see why the teachers would go easy on them. How did they even get- Oh, right, probably because they're rich and all."
Akio: *thinking* ".. My parents have worked so hard so that I could attend this school and now I'm complaining.."
Akio: Hm...
(sounds of someone's footsteps getting faster and faster)
Arata: Akioooooo!~
Akio: *screams*
Akio: W-what are you-
Arata: Come on, you promised that we'll have lunch together!
Arata: Come on, get up, get up!
Akio: C-can you-
Akio: *whispering* Can you.. you know.. be quieter? This is embarrassing, everyone is staring at us.
Arata: *whispering* I know, I'm acting like this on purpose.
Akio: Wha-
Arata: Okayyyy, let's go, let's go!~
Akio: I-I haven't even brought anything with me-
Arata: It's okay, as your boyf-
Arata: Uh..
Arata: *clears throat* Ahem, as your best friend, I have prepared something very special for you myself!
Arata: Now let's go!
(sounds of footsteps)
Female classmate: These two are.. really close, aren't they?
Akio: I still can't believe that out of all the hobbies you could have, your hobby is.. cooking.
Arata: What, I don't look like a perfect housewife? You're breaking my heart..
Akio: Ugh..
Akio: C-can't you just act.. you know.. normal?
Arata: Nope. Now say "Ahhh~"
Akio: I am not a child-
Akio: !
Arata: See? Tastes good, doesn't it?
Akio: B-but again, everyone is staring at us..
Arata: And? They're just jealous.
Arata: You know, you look so plain, but you've got someone like me as your boyfriend! You're so lucky!
Akio: Plain?..
Arata: U-uh, I find that cute about you.
Arata: Also, you stole the "most popular guy" title from me! You're so cool!
Akio: We both know you weren't popular because of your looks or intelligence or anything.
Arata: Haha, yeah, being the son of the headmaster kinda makes you popular by default..
Arata: But like, not for a good reason.
Akio: You're still creepy though, obviously they would find you intimidating.
Akio: And you also have a lot of power in this place, so..
Arata: Y-you think I'm creepy?!
Akio: Yes.
Arata: So cold!.. But that's what I like about you!
Akio: Also, about me stealing your title and all..
Akio: .. That title also was stolen from me recently.
Arata: Huh? By who?
Arata: .. Oh.
Arata: You're talking about that guy, right?
Akio: *nods*
Arata: Well, he joined us only a few months ago and he also used to be homeschooled. I think it's his first time actually going to school?
Akio: Yeah, because of his health problems.
Arata: Of course a guy like him would get everyone's attention.
Arata: They just feel sorry for him. Don't worry about it too much~
Arata: I mean, have you seen his grades? A guy like him won't survive in this place.
Akio: Should I remind you about your own grades?
Arata: Ahaha.. At least I have you~
Akio: You're not dating me just because I can do your homework for you, right?
Arata: Well, that's one of the reasons why I like you, but..
Akio: I'm breaking up with you.
Arata: No, no, wait!
Arata: Also, Akio, aren't you dating me because I can make you look good in the eyes of the headmaster?
Akio: ...
Arata: He likes you a lot! He said that our school really needed a student like you.
Akio: ...
Arata: You really are a genius, Akio. I'm sure you'll become famous in the future.
Akio: .. B-but I want to be famous now.
Arata: And you will! I can just make everyone here bow down to you if you want.
Arata: Both figuratively and literally.
Akio: .. I hate him, Arata. I hate him so much.
Arata: I know.
Akio: Sometimes I wish I just could-
Akio: ...
Akio: Never mind.
Arata: Hm? What is it?
Akio: I said, never mind!
Arata: Come on, say it, say it!
Akio: Shut up already-
Arata: Say it, Akio.
Akio: ...
Akio: .. Wouldn't it be nice if he just..
Akio: You know..
Akio: .. Died?
Arata: ...
Arata: Haha..
Arata: Ahahahahahahaha!
(sounds of Arata laughing and falling on the ground)
Akio: .. Yeah, I can't just ask you to act normal again, can I?
Arata: S-sorry, sorry..
Arata: It's just.. I've been waiting for you to say it.
Akio: Huh?
Arata: I don't know, something about you hating him so much to the point of wanting him dead..
Arata: It's just so exciting, you know?
Akio: .. There must be something wrong with you.
Arata: With you too. That's why we're perfect for each other!
Arata: So, how do you want him to die?
Akio: Arata, for God's sake, can you just not talk about murder while we're having lunch and there are other people around?
Arata: Nope, talking about murder is fun.
Arata: Also, you still have some food left. Open your mouth.
Akio: Why would you find talking-
Arata: Anyway, we should head back to class, the break is going to end soon.
Akio: R-right..
(sounds of footsteps)
???: Ah! Akio-kun, Arata-kun!
Akio: ...
Arata: There he is.
???: I've been looking for you two everywhere! I just thought it'd be nice to have a lunch together, haha..
???: B-but it looks like you two are already going back to class.. I'm so slow, haha..
Akio: .. I thought I told you not to call us that.
???: What?
Akio: We're not your friends. Why did you even think we'll agree to spend even the moment of our precious time with you?
???: U-uh..
Akio: Seriously, this is why you always have no choice but to eat alone. You're so stupid-
Arata: Now, now, calm down, Akio.
Arata: Please forgive him, he's not in a good mood today.
???: Really? Why? Did something happen, Akio-kun? C-can I help-
Akio: DON'T CALL ME THAT!
???: ...
Arata: ...
Akio: *breathing heavily* We're not.. friends, Kitami.
Akio: I don't even want to hear you say my name.
Akio: Don't stand in my way. Arata, we're leaving.
Chise: ...
Chise: .. Hey..
Chise: That's not very nice of you, Akio-kun..
Chise: You know I've worked really hard on this, right?
Akio: D-do you think I care?
Chise: Judging from the way you stutter, I think you do.
Akio: ...
Akio: (to Arata) W-why are you still standing here?! I told you we're leaving!
(sounds of Akio and Arata leaving)
Arata: The guy looked like he was about to cry. Are you proud of yourself?
Arata: Not judging you, by the way.
Akio: ...
Arata: Hey, are you listening-
Akio: Why?
Akio: Why does he want to be friends with me?
Akio: He just wants to annoy me, doesn't he? He's just jealous of me and he's trying to make me angry on purpose so that I'll end up yelling at him and ruin my reputation because he's everyone's favorite right now?
Akio: Why do people even like him?! He's so pathetic, so weak, so dumb, so..
Arata: Hey, calm down.
Akio: ...
Arata: You're better than him. Remember that.
Akio: I KNOW THAT, IDIOT! I JUST WANT OTHERS TO REMEMBER THAT TOO!
Arata: Well, I know for a fact that you're better than him. You're better than everyone here~
Arata: .. Hm? What's wrong?
Akio: .. Ahaha..
Akio: He really doesn't know his place, does he?
Akio: So annoying..
Arata: ...
Akio: Hey, can you help me out with something?
Arata: ...
Akio: Come on, I know you like me.
Arata: .. Haha, so now you're accepting the fact that we're a couple.
Akio: Oh, I was just acting shy.
Arata: So.. Do you want to..
Arata: You know..
Akio: I just want to teach him a lesson. Nothing more than that. I'm strict, but I'm not evil.
Arata: ... Oh.
Arata: Well, our school's lucky to have a king like you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
[ Aimi's Confession ]
(The door opens)
Aimi: I'm back!
Aimi: ...
Aimi: Hey? Is anybody here?
Aimi: ...
Aimi: "Haha.. It's like I have no choice but to be alone.."
Aimi: "Just what did I do to deserve this-"
???: Oh, there you are!
Aimi:"Great. Out of all people, it had to be him."
Aimi: Nii-san!
(sounds of Aimi and her brother hugging)
Aimi's brother: Sorry, I was wearing earphones and didn't hear you.
Aimi's brother: If you're wondering where mom and dad are, they went to check on the park, they've heard it's been doing.. not so good.
Aimi: Really? What happened?
Aimi's brother: One of the rides suddenly stopped working and two kids fell off. One of them is fine, thankfully, but the other one ended up in the hospital.
Aimi: Oh..
Aimi's brother: Also, Yori is walking Maru and Mochi right now, just so you know.
Aimi: Oh, right, I got scared for a second, haha..
Aimi: By the way, why are you wearing an apron?
Aimi's brother: Oh, Fumiri wasn't feeling well, so I offered to cook today.
Aimi: You can cook?
Aimi's brother: Okay, rude.
Aimi's brother: You're not gonna eat then?
Aimi: No, I will! I'm okay with whatever Nii-san decides to make~
Aimi's brother: I'm almost done, so you don't have to wait long. Go wash your hands.
Aimi: Oh, right! I forgot, haha..
Aimi: I didn't know you were this good at cooking. It's shocking, really.
Aimi's brother: *laughs* Why are you so mean to me today? Did you have a bad day at school?
Aimi: ...
Aimi's brother: Oh..
Aimi's brother: Sorry. Sorry, I didn't mean to-
Aimi: N-no, it's okay, it's okay! It's just..
Aimi: It's.. Um..
Aimi: M-my classmates..
Aimi's brother: ...
Aimi's brother: *sighs* What did they do this time?
Aimi: Well, um..
Aimi: Haha..
Aimi: Emi-chan said that I'm too violent and because of that others tend to avoid me..
Aimi: And.. She said she thinks I'm..
Aimi: Scary, haha..
Aimi's brother: ...
Aimi: Am I scary, Nii-san?
Aimi: Am I violent?
Aimi: I always try to be kind to everyone I meet! I would never want to scare anyone or hurt them!
Aimi: I'm not violent! I'm really not!
Aimi's brother: I know. I know.
Aimi's brother: Why do you think she called you that?
Aimi: I don't know!
Aimi: I don't want to say that she..
Aimi: Uh..
Aimi's brother: You don't want to suspect her, right?
Aimi's brother: You don't want to believe that she had bad intentions, right?
Aimi: ...
Aimi: W-why would she?
Aimi: I mean, she's not evil or anything..
Aimi's brother: Well, maybe she's jealous.
Aimi's brother: Maybe she's jealous of your wealth or your looks.
Aimi's brother: Maybe she wanted to provoke you and make you act "violent" in public.
Aimi's brother: You know, like that time with Sao.
Aimi: I-I didn't hit her on purpose, I swear!
Aimi's brother: Of course, I know that.
Aimi's brother: But that's just how the world works. If somebody doesn't like you, it doesn't mean that they will be straightforward about it. Maybe they will just try to make it look like it's your fault for making them hate you.
Aimi's brother: It's not their fault for being mean to you. It's your fault for getting angry. That's how their thought process goes.
Aimi: BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!
Aimi: I JUST WANTED TO BE FRIENDS WITH THEM!
Aimi: Would they like me more if I wasn't so rich? Would they like me more if I wasn't so pretty?
Aimi: I always was so nice to them! I bought them so many gifts, I always offered my help when needed..
Aimi: I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY FRIENDS! BUT THAT'S NOT HOW FRIENDS ACT!
Aimi: ...
Aimi's brother: Aimi, dear, I understand you. I understand your feelings so well.
Aimi's brother: This world is full of evil people. You're one of the few people who stay kind no matter what.
Aimi's brother: And most people prefer to just ignore all the evil others do..
Aimi's brother: But I don't agree with that. Honestly, I think people like that don't deserve to live.
Aimi: .. "Don't deserve to live"?
Aimi: So what you're saying is..
Aimi: ...
Aimi's brother: Just trust me, okay? You can always rely on me.
Aimi: B-but then..
Aimi's brother: I'll go wash the dishes. How about you play with Maru and Mochi when they come back?
Aimi: Nii-san, you're not going to..
Aimi:Do anything to my classmates, right?
(sounds of Aimi's brother washing the dishes)
Aimi: Ugh, he can't hear me..
(sounds of dogs barking in the background)
Aimi: Oh, is that-
Aimi: They're back! I'll go greet them, hehe~
----------------------------------------------------------------------
[ Shun's Confession ]
Shun: I see. Thank you, this helps a lot.
Old woman's voice: You're welcome. To be honest, I did have my suspicions about that boy..
Old woman's voice: But you seem really nice. I'm sure she still misses you.
Shun: Ahaha.. Thank you so much. I hope so too.
Shun: Have a nice day.
(sounds of footsteps)
Shun: ...
Shun: *sighs loudly*
Shun: God, that was so scary..
Shun: Ugh, socializing shouldn't be this hard..
Shun: But at least I've learned more about her..
Shun: .. Shouldn't I have known that already if she was my girlfriend?..
Shun: N-never mind.
Shun: Okay, let me just go through my notes-
Shun: !
Shun: I-I almost dropped my phone..
Shun: Okay, so..
Shun: Inaba Hina, 21 year old. A university student, psychology major, also has a part-time job as a babysitter.
Shun: So she's good with kids, huh.. Haha, they're going to love her.
Shun: Was born on August 28th, lives alone, but regularly picks her little brother up from school since her parents can't do that because of their job and his school is very close to her apartment.
Shun: Come to think of it..
Shun: R-right! She's supposed to pick him up soon!
Shun: I have the address written down, hold on..
Shun: That's it, I'm finally going to meet her!..
Shun: "Okay, I'm finally here.."
Shun: "Huh.. It looks like her brother isn't here yet.."
Shun: "I guess I'll have to wait."
Shun: "Oh, maybe I should try to become friends with her little brother too? If I show her how good I am at taking care of kids, I'm sure she will fall in love with me again!"
Shun: Ehehe.. This plan is definitely going to work..
Shun: I should just wait until her brother-
Shun: Oh, isn't that..
Shun: "Okay, just act normal."
Shun: Hello there. Sorry for asking, but you're Inaba Renji, aren't you?
Renji: .. Um..
Shun: I know this may sound weird, but I'm your sister's.. friend and-
Renji: W-why do you know my name?
Shun: Your sister told me! She loves you a lot and she told me that you're a very good kid so I thought-
Renji: .. And what's your name?
Shun: O-oh, uh..
Shun: I-it's Ishizu Shun. You've probably heard it before.
Renji: Nope. Never heard a name like that.
Shun: ...
Shun: "S-she.. Never told her brother about me.."
Renji: Hey. I don't know what your deal is and I don't know anything about your relationship with my sister, but like..
Renji: C-can you.. leave me alone?
Shun: Oh, uh, s-she asked me to pick you up from school since she's too busy today!
Renji: ...
Shun: ...
Renji: Dude. That's like.. What all child kidnappers say.
Shun: What?! No, no, you got it all wrong! I swear, I really am her friend-
Renji: I am going to scream if you don't leave me alone.
Shun: But-
Renji: *takes a breath*
Shun: Okay, fine, fine!
(sounds of Shun running away)
Shun: *breathing heavily*
Shun: That.. did not go well..
Shun: .. So she.. never told her brother about me..
Shun: .. Did she even love me?
Shun: And if not.. Why did she even date me?
Shun: I'm not that attractive and I'm not that smart..
(sound of a phone notification)
Shun: Hm? What's that?
Shun: O-oh, right, I forgot about Merurin's stream!
Shun: At least I have her to comfort me..
Shun: Did I bring my earphones with me-
???: Here you are!
Shun: *screams*
???: I've been looking for you everywhere!
???: Did you even read my messages?
???: Or did you forget as always?
Shun: .. I-I forgot.
???: *sighs* You have work today, you remember that?
Shun: .. I forgot.
???: Why are you like this..
???: Let's go. We're gonna be late, but honestly, I don't really care.
Shun: ...
???: Don't look at me like that. I'm not doing this because we're friends or anything.
Shun: O-oh, right. Sorry..
???: Hey, what were you watching anyway-
A voice from Shun's phone: Hewwo, my adorable little kittens! How are you all doing today?
Shun: ...
???: ...
A voice from Shun's phone: Aw, I wish I could just give you all loooooots of headpats!~
???: .. You know what, I think you'll be fine without my help.
???: See you at work.
Shun: W-wait!
Shun: ...
Shun: ".. Fine. I'm going to see Hina soon anyway."
Shun: "Or actually.."
Shun: .. Ehehe..
Shun: "Maybe I should invite her new boyfriend instead?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
[ Naomi's Confession ]
(sounds of children laughing and running around can be heard in the background)
Naomi: Okay, okay, everybody, sit down~ We can't have a tea party while you all are running and jumping like this, right?
Naomi's students: Okay, Chiba-sensei!
(sounds of children sitting down)
Naomi: Great! Now, I didn't forget about anyone, right? Everyone has tea to drink and snacks to eat-
Female student A: Chiba-sensei! Natsu ate my cookies while I wasn't looking!
Naomi: (to Natsu) Really? Did you do that?
Natsu: .. *nods*
Naomi: Come on, that's not a good thing to do. If you wanted some, you could have just asked me.
Natsu: .. S-sorry..
Naomi: Here, you can take these. But please apologize to Rimi-chan, okay?
Natsu: (to Rimi) U-um.. I-I'm sorry.. They just looked really good..
Rimi: Hm.. Fine, I forgive you! But never do that again!
Natsu: I-I promise!
Naomi: *laughs* Here, Rimi-chan, I still have some for you left.
Rimi: Yay! You're the best, Chiba-sensei!
Female student B: Chiba-sensei, why other teachers are so boring and strict compared to you?
Female student B: You're so nice!
Male student A: Yeah! You're like a friend to us, but like, a friend that's much older than us!
Naomi: Haha, are you saying that I'm old?
Female student C: Ugh, boys are so rude..
Naomi: Well, um.. I don't know, I just.. I don't want you to see my classes as something.. bad, I guess?
Naomi: I don't want you to be afraid of me or hate me.
Naomi: And also, I try to treat you all with respect, because that's what you all deserve, even if you all are much younger than me.
Naomi's students: Whoa..
Female student D: Chiba-sensei is so cool!
Female student B: How can anyone hate her-
???: .. Ahem.
???: So what you're saying is that you don't want people to see you in a bad way?
???: You're afraid of people hating you, right? Even if those people are just kids?
Naomi: ...
Female student C: Way to kill the mood..
Naomi: Haha.. Come on, Tao-kun, you know that's not true-
Naomi: A-and even if it is true, what's so bad about it? Nobody wants to be hated-
Tao: Yeah, but you're an adult.
Tao: And you're still trying to please everyone and never say no to anyone.
Tao: I don't think it's because you're so kind, but because you're just too scared of being hated.
Tao: Do you really like us? Or do you like us because it's easy to manipulate us and make us think you're the nicest person in the world?
Naomi: ...
Male student B: What's your problem, Tao?!
Female student C: That's why nobody likes you.
Female student B: Chiba-sensei is nice to us because she loves us. Simple as that.
Tao: You are not her kids! We're just her students. There's no reason for her to love us.
Female student C: Well, she loves us more than your parents love you, that's for sure.
Tao: !
Tao: Shut up-
(the door opens)
???: Chiba-san? Someone wants to see you.
Naomi: .. O-oh. S-sure, I'll be right there.
Naomi: *stands up* Please wait for me, okay? Don't eat everything without me~
Naomi's students: Okay!~
(sounds of Naomi's footsteps)
Naomi: *thinking* "But who could have possibly wanted to see me-"
Naomi: ...
Naomi: .. Mom?
Naomi's mother: Well hello there.
Naomi's mother: What's with the kids laughing and screaming? I thought you were supposed to have classes today.
Naomi: U-um, we planned to have a tea party today, since everyone's been doing so well lately and we also finished working early, s-so..
Naomi: I just thought it would be nice to reward them with something, you know?
Naomi's mother:Is that a cookie crumb on your cheek?
Naomi: .. Oh. S-sorry.
Naomi's mother: You're so unprofessional..
Naomi: M-mom, I am a 30 year old teacher. Stop visiting me like this. It's embarrassing.
Naomi's mother: You're a bigger embarassment. I have no choice but to check how you're doing.
Naomi's mother: Seriously, you act more like a child than your students.
Naomi: ...
Naomi: B-but they seem to love me-
Naomi's mother: They don't see you as a teacher, Naomi. They see you as another child. You're a friend to them, not a teacher. You won't be able to become a good role model for them.
Naomi: I-I just want them to feel safe, since most of them come from.. families with all sorts of problems.
Naomi's mother: Nobody can be safe with you around. I literally keep visiting you exactly because of that.
Naomi: ...
Naomi's mother: Don't look at me like that.
Naomi: Please, just.. leave. My students can hear us.
Naomi's mother: And what exactly are you so afraid of? It's your fault for being like this.
Naomi's mother: If you wanted to become a teacher to make me proud, then at least act like one.
Naomi: I-I'm trying..
Naomi: But someone keeps distracting me from doing my job-
(a sound of Naomi being slapped)
Naomi: ...
Naomi's mother: Don't you ever blame me for doing this.
Naomi's mother: I'm doing this for your sake. You have left me no other choice.
Naomi: .. Someone could see you doing this to me, you know.
Naomi's mother: Oh, so now you're blackmailing me. Seriously, you should be more grateful.
Naomi's mother: You don't have to "worry" about me. With my reputation, people would never think I'm in the wrong for doing this.
Naomi's mother: .. They never did.
Naomi's mother: Now, go back to work.
Naomi: .. You really just came to traumatize me again? The hell is wrong with you?
Naomi's mother: .. We'll discuss the way you talk to your own mother later.
Naomi: I am not a child-
Naomi's mother: Again, I have no choice but to treat you like one.
Naomi's mother: Now, go and play with the kids your age.
(sounds of Naomi's mother's footsteps becoming quieter)
Naomi: ...
Rimi: Chiba-sensei..
Naomi: Ah!
Naomi: Rimi-chan.. what are you doing here?
Naomi: D-did you see-
Rimi: *nods*
Naomi: ...
Naomi: I'm so sorry. That was.. not a teacher-like thing to do-
Naomi: !
Rimi: .. W-when I told you about my parents, you hugged me. You hugged me, even though I was so loud and annoying and couldn't stop crying..
Rimi: S-so, um.. I-I thought that maybe this can help you feel better too.
Naomi: ...
Naomi: C-come on, an adult should be comforting a child, not the other way around..
Naomi: Let's go back, okay? I'm sure everyone is waiting for us.
Naomi: ".. I just hope Tao didn't see this."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
[ Kei's Confession ]
(a woman's screaming can be heard in the background)
Kei: Shh, it's okay, it's okay~
Kei: Can you smile for me, please?
Kei: Or, actually, never mind, your expression is already perfect.
Kei: Anddddd we're done!~
Kei's boss: Seriously, you're enjoying this way too much.
Kei: I just love my job a lot, is that bad?
Kei's boss: Well, your job is to take photos of people in the worst conditions imaginable. Most people wouldn't really like this job, unless they've got some screws loose.
Kei: Haha, come on, you know that with a father like mine, I'm used to this.
Kei's boss: True..
Kei: Also, I'm sure this cutie over here has already fallen in love with me-
(the woman's screaming gets louder)
Kei: .. Maybe not.
Kei's boss: Anyway, just take the money and leave.
Kei: Oh, you know I'm not doing this for the money-
Kei's boss: Ahem.
Kei: Got it, got it.
Kei: (to the woman) See you later, sweetie! Uh.. If you survive, that is.
(the door opens)
Kei: Ruka, I'm home!~
Kei: Ruka?..
Kei: "Where could he be?"
Kei: "Nothing happened to him while I was gone, right?.."
Kei: !
Kei: RUKA!
Kei: "What if they've done something to him while I was-"
Kei: Huh?..
Ruka: Oh, you're home.
Kei: .. What are you doing?
Ruka: I'm taking a bath. I thought it was obvious.
Kei: .. While fully clothed?
Ruka: Of course. I remember doing so even when I was alive.
Kei: .. O-okay.
Kei: *breathes out* I was so scared..
Ruka: Why?
Ruka: I won't drown or anything. And I won't try to kill myself. I'm already dead anyway-
Kei: I know, I know! It's just..
Kei: Well, uh.. You remember what happened.
Ruka: .. Oh.
Ruka: You can come here, if you want.
Kei: Again, while fully clothed?
Ruka: What's your issue with clothes? Do it, coward.
Kei:*laughs* Fine, fine.
(sounds of Kei getting into the bathtub)
Kei: This feels so weird.
Ruka: Hearing that from a guy like you sounds weirder.
Kei: .. Am I really that weird, Ruka?
Ruka: Yeah.
Kei: But why?
Ruka: Every single thing about you is weird.
Kei: Well, name one then!
Ruka: You're sitting in a bathtub with me right now and we both have our clothes on.
Kei: .. That was all part of your plan?!
Ruka: Yep.
Kei: .. *laughs* Then you're just as weird as me.
Ruka: Probably. I'm dead anyway, might as well do whatever I want.
Kei: .. Maybe it would be nice to die, actually-
Kei: No, no, what am I saying, haha..
Ruka: Nope, you have to live.
Kei: Huh? Why?
Ruka: Uh..
Ruka: 'Cause you have a job and I don't?.. And well, we still need money, so..
Kei: *laughs* How do you just.. Let things like this come out of your mouth?
Ruka: Maybe that's because of your influence.
Kei: .. Ruka, you love me, right?
Ruka: Dunno.
Kei: Meanie.
Kei: .. I don't want to leave this house anymore.
Kei: Everyone is too mean.
Kei: They're too mean to us.
Ruka: Listen, your friends' reaction was understandable-
Kei: It was not! They were so rude!
Kei: I probably should have expected it, they were always saying weird things about guys who like guys..
Ruka: *sighs* It's not because of me being a guy.
Ruka: Actually, I'm not even sure if I'm one-
Kei: You are one. At least, uh.. physically. Your gender is up to you to figure out though.
Ruka: Sure, whatever. Anyway, that's not because they acted like that.
Kei: THEN WHY?!
Kei: Ugh, the water is so cold..
Ruka: You just noticed?
Kei: They were so mean...
Ruka: .. Are you going to cry?
Kei: Shut up.
Kei: I wish I could prove to them that my way of showing love is normal..
Ruka: I doubt you can do that.
Kei: .. I think I have an idea.
Ruka: He has an idea. Great.
Kei: They always said things like "Kei, come on, you're going to steal our girlfriends at this point!" or "Seriously, our girlfriends are going to fall in love with you, if you keep at it!"
Kei: I think that's because they knew that their girls would gladly choose me over them.
Kei: So.. Why not invite them here? I can give them as much love as they want from me~
Ruka: Oh no, I'm feeling so jealous..
Kei: You sound more emotionless than ever.
Ruka: Anyway, I'm against this.
Kei: Why?!
Ruka: You should just forget about your friends. Seriously.
Ruka: Do you even see them as friends?
Kei: Um.. Not really..
Kei: But..
Kei: If I want to appear "less weird", I need to have friends..
Ruka: .. Hey.
Ruka: .. Have you ever had friends? You know.. before them?
Kei: .. I think I had one.
Kei: But I don't really remember him that well..
Kei: H-he probably left me or something, haha..
Kei: .. Hey, the water is way too cold. I'm getting out.
Ruka: You're not actually going to invite them to our house, right?
(sounds of Kei getting out of the bathtub)
Kei: Why not? I can treat those girls better than their boyfriends.
Ruka: Kei, I don't have a good feeling about this.
Kei: Aw, so you really are jealous!
Ruka: .. You already have me. You don't have to try and get those guys' trust back or whatever.
Kei: ...
Kei: I don't like the way wet clothes feel. I'll go change.
#akio's vd is a bit longer than the other ones bc i've figured out the writing format and decided it's okay for these vds to be kinda short#since they're supposed to feel like a glimpse into the prisoners' lives and nothing more#aimi's vd was esp hard to write bc it's like.. i have to be very careful with what i reveal about her#also her brother's identity is still supposed to be a secret so#with YOUR help we can vote shun guilty again but now for acting like THAT! vote shun ishizu guilty today (or when s3 starts) 👍👍👍#one day naomi will beat the “i have an undiagnosed mental illness and my parents think i'm a danger to society” allegations. maybe#“hey what about kei's friend” yeah what about him. i definitely don't have his design or his name or anything in my docs. shut up /silly#sobbing and crying bc rukakei are like. they're so codependent but they also genuinely care about each other and love each other and#fUCK i have to tag them#🎤 voice dramas! 🎤#👑prisoner 001: miyagawa akio👑#🌸prisoner 002: hanasaki aimi🌸#💔prisoner 003: ishizu shun 💔#🌿prisoner 004: chiba naomi🌿#🍓prisoner 005: sanada kei 🍓#milgram#milgram oc#milgram project#ocgram
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do you think he misses me........ ? maybe ..... maybe he's upset with me... i don't know. all i know is that he still means so much to me...
i don't know... i'm so bad at gushing about characters that mean a lot to me on here.... i just say things and go into immediate keysmashing... i also don't really follow ho/me/stu/ck anymore... like i haven't followed canon in such a long time so at this point dave's simply full with my own headcanons and interpretations of his character..... however still going by canon because i'm never normal about ANYTHING
i think he's so wonderful.... i think he deserves a lot of nice things... i'm so unsure how talk about him because i am tired.... but he is lovely. i love him. i wish i can do him justice... or write cute silly drabbles about us... but i am terrified of doing anything ever lately... i'm also too distracted and my brain feels like it's going into overdrive.... just so much happening up in there....
i'm sure dave would somehow in his own way sneakily manage to curate a mixtape for me of sounds to ease my mind because it's always constantly buzzing... he'll like just casually offer it to me and act like it's absolutely nothing but is freaking out over it. or something. actually.
i never liked it how people were like "dave freaks out all the time" "dave would do something nice and freak out" or whatever... like yeah he freaks out and in general is too hyper-aware of his surroundings, but i also don't think he'd consistently freak out on offering something because he wants the person to feel better even if he may or may not have a crush on them.... i have too many thoughts about him maybe i can make a post fully about him if i'm brave enough.
he's aloof but also a complete dork, but to me he's always the "casual down-to-earth" type of guy, mostly from his entire speech of him not wanting to be the knight of time and rather be just some guy. so maybe that's why.
talking too much about him. this is my longest post i think... of like any f/o without me feeling like i'm being too much or too annoying.
i just miss him too much. been kind of thinking about him lately. it's okay. i love him to bits. this also feels strange. but it's okay. i need to get out of my comfort zone. i hope dave knows i will love him forever. or something. i don't know. um. i just hope he knows he is my entire world. yeah. my silly crow boy i love you <3
#why do i sound so awkward.#i say as i am exhausted and want to sleep#this is a long post#sorry in advance#maybe i can sort of remake my self insert in the hs universe...#before it was me trying to keep everything similar to it#i haven't been into hs lately because of a Show that has been Plaguing my Thoughts#it still is plaguing my thoughts but maybe i can get back into hs again because i do miss it and it goes hand-in-hand with the show#well if you count the time nonsense both provide then it does#<- sorry i love time things and time travel and things like that#helps my brain work better#anyway um#i would've said more things about dave in the tags actually but then i decided not to because i already talked too much about him#okay.#he's just so special to me. i love him to bits.#if i don't talk to him for too long it feels like something is missing#wah. think not being able to ramble or just talk about my interests really did a number on me because i don't talk about myself.#Ever#yay so fun#love toxic friends <3#note my sarcasm#i'm proud of Me though#i did that i typed this. i'm so proud of me.#ashley talks#💿️#<- this post is about him of course i'm adding his tag
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Almost fell asleep in the library but now I'm at home and ready to nap aaaahhhh
#p#I started snoozing it wasn't great :'D#it was warm and the sun was shining on me and I was more or less comfy and leaning on my hand trying to read my notebook... oof#started nodding off and then eventually decided to give up the desk space for anyone who needed it more#I don't need to be sleeping on desks in the library when I can go home and nap#yeah maybe I need to get better sleep at night#and I'm still happy I got at least a little bit of work done and got to see the sunny weather
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thinking about my (high pitched, very feminine) customer service voice and how i wish i could speak in a lower pitch and have people react with the same level of satisfaction with their interactions with me
#dryad speaks#i'm not actually voice training or consistent but i've been playing around with speaking in a lower pitch and i really like it#it feels way more comfortable and homey to me#and while i don't have like SURVEYS like i did at the call center i still think customers at my current job wouldn't receive it well#especially since some of them already take issue with my presence/appearance as is#back on the gender contemplation train i guess because why not#honestly i feel like my gender is like a long term project that i just occasionally work on#there's not a specific long term goal in mind but i find little bits to integrate every so often#or i refine it a little bit here and there or add some little details to make it shine a bit#and sometimes i decide there are parts that i don't like anymore and have to figure out how to modify them#and sometimes my body changes and i get to figure out how to integrate that into everything else#idk i'm just rambling again but maybe my gender is just diy lol
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youtube
#diana's music diary#good afternoon I'm very tired...#yesterday was okay enough.. maybe even good? Lancer was fun! Ophelia messed up really bad and now the crew is in danger!! yay!!#didn't do all that much else really... I was so exhausted and idk why... I've been so so tired lately... more than my usual eepiness...#I don't know what the exact reason is too it's like... I'm sure I got enough sleep... I had a headache and stuff too so maybe that?#well whatever... I still haven't decided on changing urls yet... today I woke up after like 3 or 4 hours of sleep so my brain is melting#spent an hour looking for a part for my coffee grinder cause I needed it for something (something that isn't coffee)#I couldn't find it so I ended up using a knife to cheat it into working... which worked well but was a little bit more messy n.n;;#I found a couple of nice things when I was looking at least!#a rarity plush an ex gave me and the jacket Sheila gave me years ago... I should clean them up they got a bit dusty from my last move...#anyway later I'm going to try to have some fun... will maybe hang out with friends or just vc with my partner... idk...#the thing I had to get up now for should be done by later at least 😊 let's keep making today good and fun even while eepy n_n;
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yeah no okay i just finished s13 and i loved it, that was some good cinema
#i can't remember the last time i binged a whole season in one day but i just did that#yeah actually i do remember lol it was in 2014 and the show i was binging was doctor who#does all of the flux arc make sense?#absolutely not but nothing has ever made 100% sense on doctor who#and i love the potential this whole thing has#because if i'm being real i think the whole gallifrey is back and then destroyed again arc was getting a bit tiring#last season i still said idk what i think of the whole timeless child thing#but like i think it would be fun to make the next big thing the doctor finding out where they're really from#and i wouldnt mind if at the end of it whichever showrunner is writing it decides it was all a bluff and the doctor really is from gallifre#im easily satisfied like that#just give me something new#and the doctor at the end throwing her memories deep into the tardis and going#'put this where i can never find it... unless i really ask for it'#ooooooooooooooh#oh more afterthoughts just came to me#the whole self hatred and grieving the time war thing has also been going on since the 90s so#i'm glad we got a new Big Thing to focus on#anywayyyy man idk i just really liked it i have so much more to say but there are too many thoughts in my head#i can't sort them rn#maybe later
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Greetings, human! ♥ (Patreon)
#My art#SCII#ZEX#The Captain#A warmup that I took a little longer with - pacing myself?? Could be#I wanted to work on the daily more at the time but ah I had a good fun with this one ♪#Even if it was one I failed to record hhhhuah#Oh well - next time lol#Mostly inspired by accidentally starting a new fic with these two heck#Yeah on top of the recent DAX ideas coming in my brain decided to prank me with Yet More inspiration lol#I'm happy about it! I do enjoy writing :)#But it's also Extremely self-indulgent so fjdslkafjd while I'm having fun it's also like Oh No I'm Having Too Much Fun With This lol#Not such a bad thing every once in a while ♪#They're just so cute hehe#Been having a lot of fun with this sizing of chibis lately - small sketches then upsized to ~about where I'd want them on-screen#Maybe a bit small still but that's not that strange lol#I really want to hit whichever library near here has a Cricut I must learn how these machines function and how much they charge#I mean if I can just make bookmarks at home what might the library be able to offer me hehehe ♪#Anyway
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I've been... Absolutely normal? After this breakup with the person that I really genuinely wanted to spend my life with.
It happened Friday night, I cried most of the night and a little on Saturday but then something just shifted and I've been like 99% fine and normally and happy since then? The only time the sadness has really hit me since has been thinking about how upset my (dying) grandma will be that she won't be able to know my partner. But otherwise? I got horrendously drunk on Saturday night, had tons of fun and was fine with a guy low-key flirting with me. Since I got thru the handover and sleepiness on Sunday I've been utterly normal, getting on with work, reading romance and enjoying it rather than being sad or jealous etc. The main stressor has been the number of deadlines I've had this week and trying to manage my parents' reaction and reassure them I'm fine.
It's not that I'm complaining I've not been truly and utterly crushed by the heartbreak, but I'm just weirded out by this reaction. I'm worried I'm bottling it all up and it'll explode later or that this is me sliding back into depression, but I'm still enjoying things and it doesn't feel like depression? Like have I actually reached that level of emotional maturity that I've dealt with everything (or most things) already?
He decided about a week ago that he didn't want to go through his early twenties having to factor someone else into his life plans. I understand it, I respect his decision, acknowledge that there's no use in trying to talk him out of it, appreciate the fact he told me as soon as he could in person so we ended the relationship still loving each other rather than growing apart and resentment building. I really can't stress how I've never loved or been loved by anyone like with him before and that he has been the most important person in my life for four years. Accepting that the life we were planning together has gone has seemed to happen so easily and it feels like something must therefore be wrong. It's helped that we haven't seen each other in person and haven't currently got plans to I guess because I think it's going to really hit when I can't be physically affectionate like before. But even with the distance I still just can't understand why I'm feeling so nothing about this. He brought up that he might want to break up in March and I cried far more than this. Have I been emotionally checked out of the relationship since then without realising? Am I just bottling stuff up without realising? I just wish I knew
#im very used to being alone#even during the relationship we were long distance for most of it and i was living by myself or with emotionally distant family#and last month i moved in with 3 friends and with uni starting I'm able to socialise more even though i still prefer to be alone a lot#so maybe its the fact that i dont feel so isolated that's helping?#even when we lived together i only really had my now ex around to turn to for friendship#also with university im so so overworked but it gives me structure#so im with friends and have a purpose#which is maybe whats holding me together#i think i did process a lot of this after we nearly broke up in march#i said to him months ago that I ultimately want him to be happy and if he decides that its not with me then ill hate it but accept it#i am also on a lot of adderall lmao#switched prescriptions today#anyway even if im slightly scared everything is going to explode out of me one day#i am still proud with how im handling this#i could have been so vindictive during the break up but i knew thatd only hurt him and that i dont want him to be upset#so i wasnt#there were a couple of times i said stuff that i could have left unsaid like how i had our anniversary card already written and in our desk#and i think part of me did want him to hurt at that but mostly because i wanted him to see how much i was? still petty I know#but also i think I'm allowed a bit of pettiness when im being dumped pretty much out of nowhere#idk man#its not bad necessarily its just weird#we said we'd talk on the weekend so the first convo post break up wouldnt become a Thing of who would blink first or whatever#and i want him to know im alright but i don't want it to seem like im bragging or that it means the relationship meant nothing to me#like hey I've lost the most precious thing we had together and actually it seems im fine without it#i really really hope hes feeling a similar way#our friend and my housemate went to visit him yesterday so hopefully hes let him know im coping fine so he doesnt have to feel guilty#i dont want him to be alone in a new house full of strangers and heartbroken#ive been telling our mutual friends to look after him and saying they really really really shouldnt take sides or anything in this#and i dont like thinking of him being sad and knowing there's absolutely nothing i can do rn to help other than giving him space#rambles
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